Attention Professional Pervs....

If you're a very successful business owner, married, and kinda like not being labeled a "Chester" within the company you built from the ground up or your community in general, please give me a little insight here. I'm seriously lost.

Do you think it's a good thing to leave a message for your employee's daughter saying how you enjoy being around her soooo much? Would you say you feel like you "can tell her anything"? Would you feel comfortable letting a few very GRAPHIC details slip that would probably convince ANYONE listening that you REALLY like getting naked in front of girls who just blew out their 18th candle within the last 10 months? If all this sounds like something you'd do, the next time you get the urge to confess,here are some guidelines. Stop jerking for like half a second, make sure you are ACTUALLY calling the daughter's cell and not her mom's, then proceed to make an ass of yourself..nasty heavy breathing and all!!

In my last post before everything with the holidays went crazy, I wrote about, my mom's nasty boss hitting on me and how I gave him my number just in case I could find a use for him .  Sure he's old, a perv, reminds me of Mr. Burns from the Simpsons.  He's just that fug, so that's how I'm gonna refer to him from here on.

It was a few days before New Years and I'd just dropped off one of my older sorority sister that's from my home town. We had just blown a sick amount of money on outfits, lingerie and makeup. I was coming down off of my new clothes high when my phone rang.

It was my mom.  I knew what was coming.  I picked up the phone and instead of "hello" I said, "Aidyn, I need the biggest favor!" Just like Mommy ALWAYS does :)
 
Mom is soo dramatic about EVERYTHING!  Whenever I'm home, "the biggest favor" usually ends up being bringing her some Starbucks or making sure something gets to the cleaners. Just dumb shit that doesn't matter to throw my day off course!!

She started rambling on about how the office intern didn't drop some notarized forms off to "Mr. Burns" and she didn't have time to do it.  I started thinking,  "Hmm wonder why the intern 'forgot'."  So she's almost begging me and telling me I can take any of her credit cards to get myself something cute for New Years if I do it. Even though I've already got way my outfit and accessories...I can still always use a backup outfit.  My mom's so manipulative!!  So I swing by her office and pick everything up....especially the Am Ex!!  I get the directions to his house thinking, "Ok  I'm just going to leave the stuff in his mailbox, call him and tell him where to find it and I'm done." Wrong!!!

I pull up and there he is with his little bird legs horribly exposed. I couldn't make the U-turn I so desperately wanted to without mowing down some kids riding their bikes so I decide that I'm just going to have to suck this one up. Long story short...I hand him the envelope and roll my window up while he's saying something about him trying to call me but getting no answer. Sorry no time Mr. Burns, my favorite little store to get stuff no one else has closes in exactly 1 hour!


So I get my backup outfit. I'm happy!! I stop and get a Jamba Juice and I'm REALLY happy until...I pick up my other cell without looking at the caller id. WTF was I thinking? Who's on the other end? Mr. Burns!! He's asking me if I would mind coming over to pick up those forms and take them back to my mom so that she can have the intern file them. He said he would have done it himself, but his back was killing him. I was about to hang up but I know that Mom is just going to bitch if she ends up having to do it herself. What is up with me and these charitable moods lately?!!! It's going to have to stop!!

So I go over there and I'm almost blinded by his little white legs when he answers the door; he's still wearing those damn shorts. I just want to get the forms and leave...but no he wants to talk ad act like he can't remember where he put the folder!! He's talking about how his wife is always gone and how she's got new friends that he has never met. Who cares? Other inane details are pouring out of his mouth but I'm blocking it all out.

At least I was blocking it all out until he moves in close and puts his hand on my bare leg and tells me that I'm such a good listener to be so young. He starts inching his hand past my knee towards my thigh and I'm about to really just flip out when I notice the little guy struggling to make his presence known against those flimsy, cheap shorts. Before I can stop myself, I just start laughing and asking Mr. Burns if he's really serious. I mean, how could he possibly think that his little inch worm is useful for anything other than entering the world's largest tic tac contest?!! He looks down, obviously gets embarassed, then walks off to find the folder and think about midget nuns playing baseball or something. He comes back with the folder in hand and says that he hopes he hasn't made too much of an ass of himself. Hey, who am I to judge?

I honestly thought he had made the biggest ass any old, pathetic guy could make of himself.... until my mom handed me her phone while we were having breakfast the next morning! She said that one of my boyfriends had left a message on her phone then started laughing. When I listened to it...all I could hear was Mr. Burns, obviously doing something that made him breathe heavy talking about how "free" he felt around me and apologizing if he'd made me uncomfortable and asking how he could make it up to me. I guess he confused my mom's number with mine in his phone...ugh!!

I think this entry is long enough....
Sadly, there's WAYYYY more to cum